Speed Datable

Are you speed bloggable?

To kick off our new blog section we asked you to tell us your amusing dating stories. Get scribbling... send your stories to host@speeddatable.co.uk

by Speed Datable

It's 'snot' what you think...

Karen D - Oxford - Sunday 27th September 2020

After meeting someone on a popular dating app, I went for a casual drink at my local pub with him as he lived fairly nearby luckily.

Everything was going very well, lots of laughter and flirting and I really fancied him. After deciding that we would have further drinks and order taxis, he went to the bar and I went to powder my nose. I lippied up and put some more perfume on, blew my nose and adjusted the push up bra and back out I went.

As soon as I got back to the table he took one look at me and everything changed. He wouldn't make eye contact with me and he started shuffling around. He could barely speak and just kept looking down. I wondered what the hell had happened. After a few moments he said he was just nipping to the toilet and he almost ran across the room. I was bewildered.

Time ticked on and I started to think he must be having a poo.

I waited 30 minutes and started feeling quite self conscious because I thought everyone was looking at me, I thought I would have a saunter out into the car park to see if he was outside. He wasn't and to make it worse, his car had gone.

I didn't know what to do so I just headed for my car totally gutted. I unlocked it, got in and started the car up. Just as the interior light was dimming I caught a glimse of myself in the mirror and I could see something on my face. When I turned it back on again I saw that I had the biggest, most greenest, disguisting bogey on my cheek that you could possibly imagine. It was massive! it almost blocked out the light. How I didn't sense it there I have no idea. 

Well anyway, I never saw him again and I now always make sure that I check my face after I blow my nose.

Don't look a date horse in the mouth

Keith, Chigwell - Thursday 1st October 2020

As it was a special new years eve, my son and I had decided to go abroad to celebrate the millenium and it was also 5 years since mine and his mum's divorce.

We headed off to Cyprus (Ayia Napa) and had a great two weeks. While we were there, believe it or not, there was a mother and daughter in the room next door which inevitably, we got talking to and ended up spending most of our holiday with.

We exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes and they went home a day before us. "We'll stay in touch" we all said to each other.

Anyhoo, cut to February and we hadn't stayed in touch but we'd got a taste for dating now and decided to use an online dating site. Who would have believed it!... there on the site was my son's sunshine girlfriend  (no sign of the mother haha).

My son arranged to meet up to have a date but it was a distance away so we thought we'd make a night of it and stay in a hotel. I would stay in and watch telly, he'd go on the date.

We arrived at the hotel in the afternoon and I agreed to drop him off at the pub where he was meeting his date. As we were driving, a horse and it's rider ran out into the road, the rider had lost control and the horse was totally on one. We ended up hitting it which resulted in the rider being knocked off but the horse running off. And you'll never guess who it was!!

Yes!! It was Jaqui, the mother of Lola, the girl we were going to meet!! She lived close by and had been out horse riding when the horse got spooked (It was ok btw)

Consequently, we've been married just over a year and my son is expecting his first child with Lola. You can't believe it can you!!!

Admin Bromantic

Jim Jez - Enfield. Sunday 4th October, 2020

After a terrible couple of years of failed on off relationships and crappy dates I decided to give an Introduction Agency a go. Cost me £800 for a years membership so it had to be good, right? 

They wouldn't tell me who they had on their books before I handed over the cash but did fill me with confidence that they did have plenty of people lined up for me.

We have lost of available women in your location.

No they didn't. 

Within the hour of receiving payment, I was emailed and told there was no one matching my criteria in the area but I would be contacted immediately when someone appeared. I wrote it off as a bad mistake. 

Anyway, about a month went by and I'd heard nothing then out of the blue came a call telling me I had a match. It was a shock because I'd actually forgot about them. Long story short, loved the profile and had a chat on the phone. The agency then set us up a first date. 

Tuesday 8pm at the Green Drag. Great, I was looking forward to my first date. Arrived with 10 minutes to spare and the place was emptyish apart from a few couples and a bloke standing at the bar. Ordered myself a beer and stood watching some footy on the telly next to this random guy who I started having some great bants with within a few minutes about the football. By 8:30 my date still hadn't arrived but I was having such a laugh with Connor (the dude at the bar) that I thought I'd stay for another drink.

Another beer down and I was checking my watch and mentioned to Connor that it looked like I was getting stood up. He laughed and said the same. He'd expected his date at 8pm. 

"Effing intro agency" he muttered before a swig and I said, "What?" He then went on to tell me how he'd joined an intro agency and they'd set him up a date here at 8pm. I couldn't believe it. Turns out, it was the same agency, they'd told us both to come here. 

What they'd accidentally done is given us the wrong location, a huge admin error. Me and Connor had met and the two girls we were supposed to be meeting had met each other. Wasn't angry one bit, Connor is still one of my best mates and I got to go out with the girl the week after. She didn't like football as much!